If you hate being FAT, why don’t you change it

If you hate being fat why don’t you change it? This is a question that I am often asked at school, which is sad. It’s 2017 people, shouldn’t society have changed by now???

Many people don’t know me, they don’t know my background, my medical history, my mental issues, and they don’t know how much their words hurt. Yes, I am fat you don’t need to tell me, it’s a pretty obvious thing. It’s hard enough to hate yourself for the way your shaped and how much you weigh but it makes you feel ten times shittier when people just criticize you for it.

I have tried over and over to lose weight, but it doesn’t happen. Some people don’t understand that your genetics do play a role in your size sometimes. I am a pretty active person, I go to the gym and workout like a normal human being. I do everything that a normal person does the only difference is that I am fat. Even though I can do everything they can, all they can see is my size. All my doctor can see is the numbers. I am terrified of going to the doctor because do you know how much fat shaming hurts. I know that doctors are just trying to look out for my health but sometimes they don’t put it in the nicest words. Like, yes I know, I am 250 pounds at 18. What do you want me to do! I have tried everything, literally everything. I have starved myself, made my self throw up, dieted, exercised. What more can I do? If someone knows please tell me because I hate myself like this.

I have always been the fat kid, but I was actually very active. I was on a softball team that practiced three times a week for three hours, I went to the gym. The frustration of being fat just put me in a hole of depression. Although I don’t lock myself in my room for ten plus hours of the day sulking, wanting to die, I still do struggle sometimes. It’s so hard to be confident in your own skin when you hate everything about it. You hate how it’s fat and is riddled with eczema and uneven skin tones. You hate that even by just walking up the stairs your face turns red as a tomato and you are dripping in sweat. I didn’t choose to be like this!! I don’t want to be like this! I hate myself. I hate everything about myself, I hate that I am insecure about being bi, and I hate how I look and how dumb I am. I hate how both my siblings are succeeding in life and I am the failed child. I hate how my parents will leave me behind, not even caring enough to give one phone call when I left for college.

Someone help, I need a friend

 

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